75 Most Important Chuck Norris facts

Chuck Norris, the martial artist, and actor continues to be the subject of intense interest decades after his last starring role.

Born Carlos Ray Norris in 1940 in Ryan, Oklahoma, he was raised on a farm near Wilburton along with his three brothers. Chuck Norris’ most famous roles were as Mike Stone in the television series “Walker Texas Ranger” and as Cordell Walker in “The Fall Guy”.

Chuck Norris is also known for his complete knowledge of pressure points and for being able to roundhouse kick over 12 feet high. He has written numerous books including “Black Belt Patriotism” and “The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book: 101 of Chuck’s Favorite Facts and Stories (100% Factual)”.

Here are the top 75 facts about Chuck Norris (that are 0% true):

  1. When Chuck Norris presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, worldwide computer restart is initiated.
  2. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  3. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
  4. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a java compiler, he goes straight to .war
  5. Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt, as that signifies a probability of failure. He goes bug-killing.
  6. When Chuck Norris points to null, null quakes in fear.
  7. The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
  8. There is no need to try catching Chuck Norris’ exceptions for recovery; every single throw he does is fatal.
  9. When Chuck Norris’ code fails to compile the compiler apologizes.
  10. Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
  11. Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations… ever.
  12. Chuck Norris can use GOTO as much as he wants to. Telling him otherwise is considered harmful.
  13. Chuck Norris doesn’t use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.
  14. Chuck Norris can read all encrypted data because nothing can hide from Chuck Norris.
  15. Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
  16. Chuck Norris doesn’t have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
  17. Chuck Norris’ keyboard doesn’t have an F1 key, the computer asks him for help.
  18. Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
  19. The programs that Chuck Norris writes don’t have version numbers because he only writes them once. If a user reports a bug or has a feature request they don’t live to see the sunset.
  20. Chuck Norris’ preferred IDE is hexedit.
  21. Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
  22. Chuck Norris doesn’t need the cloud to scale his applications, he uses his laptop.
  23. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
  24. Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
  25. Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
  26. Chuck Norris is immutable. If something’s going to change, it’s going to have to be the rest of the universe.
  27. Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions… and have them return.
  28. Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Chuck Norris. They just don’t like to boast.
  29. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in floating-point numbers because they can’t be typed on his binary keyboard.
  30. Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
  31. Chuck Norris has root access to your system.
  32. Chuck Norris breaks RSA 128-bit encrypted codes in milliseconds.
  33. There is nothing regular about Chuck Norris’ expressions.
  34. All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
  35. Quantum cryptography does not work on Chuck Norris. When something is being observed by Chuck it stays in the same state until he’s finished.
  36. Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.
  37. Chuck Norris does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
  38. Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
  39. When Chuck Norris gives a method an argument, the method loses.
  40. Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
  41. Chuck Norris doesn’t program with a keyboard. He stares the computer down until it does what he wants.
  42. No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
  43. Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
  44. There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris’ keyboard because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
  45. Chuck Norris can access private methods.
  46. Chuck Norris doesn’t get compiler errors, the language changes itself to accommodate Chuck Norris.
  47. Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.
  48. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
  49. Chuck Norris does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional.
  50. Chuck Norris doesn’t pair program.
  51. Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time.
  52. Chuck Norris’ protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
  53. Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.
  54. Chuck Norris can unit test an entire application with a single assert.
  55. For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).
  56. When a bug sees Chuck Norris, it flees screaming in terror, and then immediately self-destructs to avoid being roundhouse-kicked.
  57. Chuck Norris’ addition operator doesn’t commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be.
  58. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to know about class factory patterns. He can instantiate interfaces.
  59. You don’t disable the Chuck Norris plug-in, it disables you.
  60. Chuck Norris’ beard is immutable.
  61. Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
  62. Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying roundhouse kick to the hard drive.
  63. Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
  64. “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
  65. Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
  66. Chuck Norris doesn’t need an OS.
  67. Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
  68. Chuck Norris never gets a syntax error. Instead, the language gets a DoesNotConformToChuck error.
  69. Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
  70. Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
  71. Chuck Norris doesn’t delete files, he blows them away.
  72. All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
  73. Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
  74. Chuck Norris rewrote the Google search engine from scratch.
  75. Chuck Norris’ programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.

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